


Like Snowflakes in the Sun

by aoigensou



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Community: fifthmus, Gen, Introspection, Snow, Unrequited longing, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoigensou/pseuds/aoigensou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn't the first time it had snowed since Sai had come to be with Hikaru; far from it. Sai had seen snow many times in the two years they'd been together, but there was something about the way it swirled through the air, and blanketed everything in a layer of white, and how everything seemed more hushed when it was snowing that makes Sai reflective.  Sai/Hikaru if you squint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Snowflakes in the Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onkoona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onkoona/gifts).



> Written for Fifthmus <3

If it hadn't been for the way Hikaru had huddled in on himself when he opened the Ki-in's doors to leave the building, Sai may not have noticed at first how cold it was outside that afternoon. Of course, it would have been difficult to miss the snow that had started falling since sometime after they had arrived. But the cold was nothing to him who had no body, and as he watched Hikaru shiver and stomp his feet in an ostentatious display of keeping himself warm as they stood there waiting for the snow to let up a little before they went on their way, Sai was reminded in yet another small way that his time had passed, while Hikaru's was just beginning.

This wasn't the first time it had snowed since Sai had come to be with Hikaru; far from it. Sai had seen snow many times in the two years they'd been together, but there was something about the way it swirled through the air, and blanketed everything in a layer of white, and how everything seemed more hushed when it was snowing that makes Sai reflective.

A part of his heart ached as he remembered the way the snow fell in the gardens at the Heian palace, when he was still alive and the world was quieter than it was now. Sai's heart clenched at the memory, and he held his hand out to catch a falling snowflake. It floated through, falling to the sidewalk as though there were nothing to halt it. As though he were nothing. He curled his fingers toward his palm, despairing of his lack of the pleasure of even a simple touch. Sai knew it wasn't fair that he was able to keep a part of himself and his thoughts apart from Hikaru's scrutiny when his young friend was unable to do the same, but all the same he was glad. Hikaru didn't need to bear the weight of his own troubles along with Sai's millennia-old woes.

A snowflake caught his eye as it landed on Hikaru's head, contrasting against the black hair of his crown. Hikaru was poking his head out from underneath the overhang to check the weather, as if being able to see the sky would give him a better idea of when the snow might let up. It occurred to Sai to bring up that he had warned Hikaru that morning that he should bring an umbrella, but kept his silence. Instead, he let the sounds of the city wash around them, and when Hikaru took the half-step back under the safety of the overhang the snowflake had melted. Hikaru exhaled in a deep sigh, the mist of his breath surrounding the two of them.

Sai wondered if he could even remember what it felt like to breathe.

On an impulse, he reached out to brush a rapidly-melting snowflake from Hikaru's cold-reddened cheek, but pulled his hand back at the last moment. He knew he wouldn't really be able to do anything, to even do that much for Hikaru. He wished at the very least he could touch him, to let him know in a way more tangible than his Go that he existed. To make Hikaru look at him, and to know that he mattered to him.

He knew he mattered. He did. Even when sighed and rolled his eyes and made noises as if he would rather be anywhere else, he knew he mattered. He just wished....

"Sai, what are you doing?" Hikaru asked over his shoulder. Sai startled, looking around in confusion. It seemed as though the snow had stopped enough that Hikaru had decided they could go while he was lost in his thoughts. "We'd better hurry and get back so we can play. As much as you want tonight, okay?" The smile he gave Sai could have melted the snow around them, and in that moment it was enough. Sai lifted his fan to his lips to hide his own answering smile, and caught up to his young protege, who was tugging the open edges of his coat closer together.

As they made their way up the street, Sai felt his heart lightening at the memory of Hikaru's smile. And though he knows Hikaru couldn't feel it, he placed a hand on his shoulder as they walked side by side toward home.


End file.
